Friday, January 4, 2013

Customary start-of-the-year introspection

I think I might have missed the boat on the whole "recap of the previous year" thing. Probably should have taken care of it in 2012 if it was all that important. Overall, I would say it was an excellent year for me (and perhaps an "okay" year for Dinah who passed it in largely the same as she did 2011, but who did not appreciate our attempts at trying to get her to lose a pound). I got engaged to a wonderful man who makes Christmas cards with mammoths on them at my behest and has seen every episode of Kojak but thankfully no longer quotes from it. I traveled to Iceland in the winter and Switzerland and Austria in the summer, with a few side trips to visit friends and family in Chicago, Boston, DC, Vermont, and Texas. I joined and was indoctrinated into the cult of crossfit (and funny how once you're in, it doesn't seem like such a cult anymore...). I applied to and rejected (or, in many cases, was rejected by) grad schools and started working from home full time. And I dyed my hair for the first time with a non-permanent dye which is somehow still present 6 months later. Here's hoping 2013 will see a return to my natural color!
Celebrating the last eve of 2012 with a mystery man shrouded in darkness! Photo by my talented friend, Marla
I don't tend to make resolutions. At least not on New Years. (It's just easier to save those for periods of depression.) I do however periodically set goals. The problem is I seldom meet them. I'm great at meeting deadlines set by people who give me money, but pretty terrible at meeting self-imposed goals. In my screenwriting class last night, a few of us were discussing our shared inability to finish writing projects. The teacher said to think of it as a matter of self respect. That by not meeting goals you set for yourself, you're basically telling yourself you're not good enough. I tend to think of it as simply my work ethic and commitment to a project as lacking rather than an overall personal failing, but he might be onto something. In addition to being easier to not finish something simply because it means more time for Facebook stalking and Law & Order re-runs, there's also always the fear that maybe it's not good and spending more work on it will just be a waste.

So that's my current goal in a nut shell: develop enough confidence in my abilities that I'll feel like I'm truly disrespecting them by allowing a project to languish. If something is shit, it's because it's in the early stages and further work will only serve to improve it. My usual excuse is that I'm too busy, which with wedding planning, full-time job, freelance projects, and just living in New York always feels authentic. But until I'm actually too busy to be fully abreast on what guy-I-went-to-high-school-with's wife made for dinner, I have time to write a damn screenplay/novel/what-have-you. So here's wishing a happy 2013 to all my readers and hopes that you will make much progress on your own goals! Whatever they may be.

7 comments:

  1. That is such a cool picture of you and Sam!! Happy 2013. :D I totally get what you're saying about the whole self-sabotage thing. It's hard to have that confidence to follow through on something unless someone is breathing down your neck to get it done...because there is always that feeling of "it could be better..." Keep doing it though, Susan!! You're an awesome writer and I have this great feeling about 2013 for ya.

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  2. Thanks, Rachel! I'd love to see you get back to writing too (I still sometimes check out your old blog). Maybe when the girls get just a little bit older!

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  3. I already achieved a new years resolution! I joined a gym, although I guess technically the goal was to also go once a week, but I have yet to fail in that since I only joined last week! Good luck with the screenplay. If you want me to be one of the people to nag you about it I'm happy to help.

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    1. I heard about an interesting motivation technique, by the way, speaking of being motivated by money. You give a friend some of your money and make them promise they will donate it to an "anti-charity" if you don't complete your task by a selected date. Your anti-charity is a charity which you most completely loathe, in this case. I don't think it would work well for me to be fearing this kind of thing weekly, but if you want to have your project completed by a certain date I bet it would help.

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    2. That's so funny! We were talking about that in class. Only apparently it's not just giving it to a friend, there are actual companies that you leave your money with that will donate it for you. We agreed Westboro Baptist Church would be the biggest deterrent.

      Congrats on joining a gym! That's awesome!

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  4. Make an appointment with yourself to write 2, 3, 5? times a week for an hour. Be as committed as you are to crossfit. It might help to go to a cafe or some such place to make it feel serious. Anyway, set the timer and write, even if you think it's bad. Just get in the habit. I wrote a couple of novels just by making myself write one page a day no matter what. (Just by sitting down to write one page, I would end up writing more.) Anyway, the important thing is to make it a habit. Even if you aren't happy with the results, you are using your writing muscles and you can always revise. It might also help to make a date with your fellow screen writers to check in with each other several weeks from now. You can do it!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! My problem right now is that I realized before I can write any more, I really need to do a lot of research. I could at least try to commit to an hour of that a day though.

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