Friday, June 17, 2011

Tony would blush to see me now

I'm sure you've all been poised at the edge of yours seats wondering what I've been doing to maintain my personal fitness now that p90x is but an adrenaline-fueled memory. What has she been doing to maintain her nascent musculature now that she's no longer updating us on her every push-up, is a question you are no doubt asking yourself. Frankly, I've been wondering myself.

I'd been trying to maintain a plan of running 3 times a week and doing the p90x ab workout 3 times during the week as well. Naturally, when the temperatures in New York spiked to nearly 100 degrees (who am I kidding--this started when they barely hit 80), I found building up a sweat just walking to the track encouraged me to just stay home instead. Also, thanks to the summer schedule at my office and going to work 45 minutes earlier, I found getting up earlier--even just the 15 minutes earlier it requires to do Ab Ripper X--nearly impossible. My weekly average dropped to about once. On a good week.

About this time, my friend sent me a Groupon for a good deal on 10 Bikini Burlesque Bootcamp classes. She had taken the class previously and said it was a lot of fun. I wasn't sure if this was the answer to my fitness needs, but I did know it met two important criteria, 1) it was done in an air conditioned dance studio, and 2) it was cheap. Also, although apparently styled after the comedic, seductive dance-style burlesque, it has the word "bootcamp" in the name, so I figured the fitness potential must be there somewhere.

Despite assuming some fitness would be gained, I showed up to my first class without water and in normal workout clothes. (My friend said dressing up in burlesque-type outfits was encouraged, but that she was the only student who really does it. I promised to think about joining her, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am profusely sweating in fishnets.) I would come to regret not bringing water.

I have been to 5 classes now, and I've yet to forget water a second time. The class always starts with our assuming the showgirl pose, and reciting a mantra of the day. These sexually empowering chants range from the cute "I put the pop in popsicle" to the slightly more cute "I am a weapon of mass seduction." I was quickly lulled into a false sense of security. However, while encouraging, the instructor Lady Chardonnay turns to shouting drill sergeant commands with great comfort. The workout is really only about 25 minutes of the hour, but it is an intense 25 minutes full of wall squats, tricep dips, sprints, and push-ups.

After the sweat-inducing first half of class, we learn a burlesque dance to a specific song. So far song choice has ranged from the Bond classic "Diamonds are Forever" to the equally not contemporary "Kiss" (surprisingly, in a dance attempting sexiness, they chose the Tom Jones version over the Prince). I'm not a person whose hips naturally move where I want them to go, as I've learned from every dance class I've ever taken from belly dance to salsa. The exception to that is, I guess, the Irish dance class I took where I learned that hip movement is unnecessary, but that I also have trouble getting my legs to go where I want them to with any sense of rhythm. But that's really neither here nor there. The point is, I'm not sure my dancing came off as sexy as intended, and it's admittedly hard to feel attractive in tennis shoes, but compared to running around and intermittently doing push-ups it was a pretty good time.

The teachers: Lady Chardonnay and Pink Champagne. They do even the sprinting/push-ups/wall squats portion of the workout in three inch heels. I am continually impressed.

Overall, I'm looking forward to completing the second half of my Groupon classes. I don't think going to this twice a week will keep me quite as buff as Tony would, but I certainly get to do a lot more hair flipping.

Also, apropos of nothing save maybe overall health, I saw another bean-related baked good recipe the other day. This one for cookie pie looks a little healthier than the brownies--there's only 3 tablespoons of oil and no eggs to speak of. She claims it was raved about by people who aren't used to healthy desserts, but I'll have to reserve judgement until I get a chance to make this.


  1. What are those heels doing to their calves! You are wise to stick to tennis shoes.

  2. Wise, or wimpy, I haven't decided which. Also, bless you for still reading and commenting!

  3. I dare you to wear heels to at least ONE class. Or a sexy negligee. Although you'd probably feel ridiculous if you had tennis shoes with the negligee, sooo you should just do the whole outfit! :)

    I contemplated taking a pole dancing class (also through groupon) but I chickened out. Hehe.

  4. I hear pole dancing is a great core workout! I've never done it either though.

  5. i was wondering if you had a p90x follow-up plan! now i know, yes, there is a very good one.